It was the year 1947. The date was September 19 - the day his head exploded. A man entered the First Commonwealth Bank of New York City at roughly 12 PM, opened an account, and his head subsequently exploded into a mess of tiny chunks.

No gun shots were heard, no bombs had exploded.

In the chaos, it seemed as if something had happened. The next day, it was found that one security deposit box had been broken into, and the contents stolen. After checking the owner of the box in the database, they found it to be Lars Dan, a mime.

Lars wasn't just any normal mime, but the Boss of the Massachusetts Mime Mob, or the MMM. You see, the MMM and the Vermont Ventriloquists Vector (VVV) have been in a heated drug battle for the last 67 years.

Ned and his puppet Jim Bob, the leaders of the VVV crime syndicate, dropped off the face of the planet around 23 hours later. Not even the men closest to them knew where they had gone. Sgt. Rick Dick was assigned to locate them by the NYPD.

Shortly after being assigned to the case, Sgt. Rick Dick also mysteriously disappeared. Then I stepped in. My name is Officer Randall G. Yates and for the last 3 years, I have been undercover as a hitman for the MMM. This is my story.

About a week after the disappearance of Sgt. Dick, I offered to take the case where he left off. I knew it was the perfect opportunity to piece together whatever had happened in the bank, and where the stolen goods were. But there was one problem.

I'm a hermaphrodite. The guys at the station said, "ORGY, there's no way you'll be able to undercover with a pussy and a dick! They'll smell you in a heartbeat!" (The guys call me ORGY because of my initials.)

So I knew that i would have to be carefull and not take any chances. I figured there would only so much that i could do before someone caught on. So I started around 6 a.m. on Monday morning.

The air wreaked of warm colitas, that's when the sun began to rise up in the air. The lights were shimmering as the sun grew heavy on the horizon. I was driving on Old Route 99 and have been doing so for 13 hours. I pulled over at the nearest motel.

There she stood in the doorway of Motel California - Millie Dan, Lars' estranged wife.

I was shocked to see Millie, it had been five years since i had. I knew her before she met Lars, she was a rather flamboyant woman with bright red hair. Thank God she had no idea who I was, after all i had lost 300 pounds over the last two years.